Thank you

Life, as witnessed by my camera phone.  1. Stinky's face painting from the farmer's market. 2. Grandma Becky reads the best stories. 3. Breakfast at Sunbreak Cafe before we left town.  These are half-portions, too. 4.  Lunch at Ikea.  5. just before Rotten was traumatized by the Seattle Center fountain. 6. Stinky walking Rotten to the water.   

Thank you for your kind words- here, and publicly and privately on Facebook.  They really meant a lot to me.  It's hard to write a post like that without feeling like it's fishing for validation, but I also think in the world of blogs where we have just a snapshot of someone's life, it's important to share some of the very real parts of it, too.   To read a response that gave me a lot of hope and inspiration, check this essay out. 

enough

I feel like I've written this post before- like I've been here so, so many times that I must have already written these words. Part of the reason I haven't been writing stems from WBH's absence while he visited his sister out of state last week.  I kept the boys (and myself) incredibly busy with trips to favorite places and new experiences.  I took on the project of reworking our room, which I'll share pictures of later.   By the end of it, we were reunited and exhausted.

A larger part of the reason I've been absent from the blog is that I have spent so much time lately not feeling 'enough' of anything.  Not smart enough, not good enough, not pretty or skinny enough, not mom enough.... just not enough of anything.  It's kind of culminated in a messy mood tonight, leaving me to pour out the inadequacies I'm feeling here, wondering if I will ever feel enough of anything at all.

I'm not so foolish as to think I'm alone in struggling with these feelings,  but lately the levels of self-consciousness I find myself in have become toxic and I can't seem to make it through a day without rehashing what I did wrong, what people must think of my, and why I can't just get my stupid self together.

So that's where I've been.

Spring brings with it a little hope- the opportunity for new growth, for renewal, for weeding out the bad to make room for the good to grow. So, I'm working on it.

And that's where I am now.

Hello There

WBH pointed out to me that it has been since March 1st since I posted here.  That's pretty sad.  

So, what did we do this month? 

I heard Rotten pray on his own for the first time.  ("Thank You Thank You" with folded arms)

Rotten cut molars and started nursery.   Stinky punched a high school senior in the eye and has gotten pretty good at Mario Brothers for a five year-old. 

We attended the beautiful service for WBH's grandfather, and enjoyed a sleepover with his sister who flew in for the funeral.  

Stinky and I auditioned for another play that will perform this summer. 

I am trying really hard to get the house in order.  Slowly, but surely, things are looking good. 

WBH and I got away alone for the first time since kids were born- and have been planning the next one since we got back. Highlights included Sunrise Cafe HUGE breakfasts, seeing the Hunger Games, and whale watching.  

(above: from the back of a whale watching boat 

below: sunrise from our room)

WBH played amateur nature photographer while we were there.  It was so fun. 

Stinky played a Who in Seussical- and hasn't stopped singing the songs from it since.  I love that. 

We welcomed my sister home from her mission.

The boys have been messy and delightful and sweet, and are growing like weeds. 

Love these boys so much. 

And I think every day how very blessed I am to be a part of all of this. 

How has your March been? 

Announcing: Motherhood Handmade

Hey friends!  My shiny new blog is up and running today!  I'm so excited!  I hope you'll come follow me there:  I have great things planned for this month!  Happy Thursday- come check me out at Motherhood Handmade! 

Recharging my Batteries

I wish I had brought my camera so I could have better captured how pretty the street light coming through the stained glass here was, all glowing and amber. 

This weekend was for recharging and becoming inspired.  Saturday night was a girl's night with a lecturing author and (not-at-all) good for me food.   Sunday the headache that I'd been fighting all week  caught up to me and WBH let me rest and sleep the day away, almost.  The rest of it was spent reading an entire book, cuddling with all of my guys, and watching the documentary Being Elmo.  Now, waking up recharged and inspired, how am I supposed to do the laundry and dishes?  Come on, chores!  Don't you know that I found my creative energy?   How can I possibly spend time cleaning and tending, and doing silly little things like feed and bathe my children when I want to act on the things I learned this weekend, and write and craft and take pictures, and accept that in order to get better at either, I have to be willing to be very bad.  How can I pick up little messes when I want to ponder the power of mentors and starting where you are with what you have? 

The positive, though I must try to hold on to all this creative fire through the day to day, is that I was able to identify how I was recharged- and know where to seek it again.  

That is a Pretty Big Deal.  

Have a great week, friends.  Tonight is more inspiration, as I take my oldest to his first big show.   I hope your Monday finds you recharged from the weekend- and if not recharged, with the resources to  become so.  

My Eight Favorite Things About Being Married For Eight Years

8 - Laughter:  I know someone will be holding in the same laughs that I am when someone says something obnoxious or accidentally in appropriate at church.  We catch each other making the same jokes and enjoy the same movies and shows (mostly.  he maintains that Downton Abbey, Grey's Anatomy and Mad Men will cost him his man card, and I respect that).  We laugh a lot in our house, and not taking life too seriously makes it work for us.

7 - History: We have known each other for longer than we haven't known each other, having met when we were 13 and 14.  There are still stories we don't know, but the ones we share- little things like lunch periods where he threw cinnamon bears down my cleavage - make our relationship that much stronger.

6 - Resolution:  I can count on one hand the times we have had real arguments.  Not because we haven't disagreed, but because when we do, the worst place we really reach is that feeling of discomfort, because we can feel that we aren't in alignment anymore.  Usually, that is enough for us to step back and approach it from a better place.  We hate feeling like we're not together on things- so we try not to spend too much time there.

5- The Obvious:  because practice makes a good thing even better.

4- The Perks:  No, I'm not repeating #5.  Being married has given us that person that fills in for our weaknesses, brings skills to the table that we don't have, and is your tag-team wrestling partner ready to tap in when you can't do anymore.  That, and guys... I married a jeweler, right?  Kidding aside, I am so grateful I married someone creative- we bounce ideas off each other for endeavors creative and otherwise.  We spent a few minutes designing a built-in for our entry the other day, and we never had to draw anything out.  A creative connection isn't necessary, but it absolutely rocks.

3- The Boys:   How could I not include them?  Seeing your husband or wife in your child is amazing.  Look at the kids we have- I love (and dread) the energy they bring to our home, and moments like today where I played hallway football with Rotten (tackles and tickles are interchangable in a hallway game), or played a game with WBH and Stinky are the best time.  We are so lucky that we get to be a family, and I hope we maintain these feelings forever.

2- Convenience:   Maybe this is cheap and selfish- but it is awesome not to have to find a date for things anymore.  It is great to have a second set of hands.  It is great to have someone who will give you an excuse to get out of something you have no interest in doing but may be mildly obligated to do.   If you don't agree that any of this is one of the most awesome things about being marriage, you are a filthy liar.

1- Strength:  This paragraph is tricky to write, because I think that a lot of the time I'm the weak link in our relationship.  What you need to know about WBH, and why I call him World's Best Husband is because this guy has known me through eating disorders, depression, pageants, illness, infertility, loss, and madness-inducing medications, and he is still here.  That is a laundry list that would scare the hell out of any man in his right mind, and yet, he continues to be the guy that gets up and goes to work for me and the kids we made, who takes me to book signings in Seattle when he hates going into the City, and remembers everything I ever say to him, except for the things that I regret and remember with shame.  He's still the guy that cleans the whole house when I'm overwhelmed, and gets up with the alarm, because I will always, always sleep through it.

And having someone like that, friends, is the very best part of being married for eight years.

Oh, hi.

Remember me?    Yeah, me either.  

I've been really busy this week, getting ready for Stinky's (rather belated, but I promised and I don't want to be a jerk) birthday party this weekend, dealing with Rotten's scream-y non-sleeping new personality, working on a new project, or procrastinating doing any of the above.  Procrastinating is REALLY time consuming.  

Oh, and I cut my hair off. 

After avoiding the scissors for 20 months, I had 14 inches cut off to donate.  I'm enjoying the new cut a lot.  The stylists commented several times about how calm I was while taking that much off.  Truthfully, I feel like I look younger and more put together with my hair at this length, and I'm really, really enjoying it. 

So, apart from being up to my elbows in seuss-themed party decor, what's my new project?   AFter some thought on it, I'm starting a new blog- I'll keep this one going as a personal and family blog, but I've decided to separate the family from the crafting and food stuff.  I've been working with a friend who has designed a logo, and I'm really pretty excited about it.  It will be up and running by March.  

That's where I'm at.  What are you up to?