I know I said I would...

...and I will. I will post an I Made it Monday, but it might be next monday by the time I get to it. I've had a lot of thoughts rolling around in my noggin, and this one is the one that is surfacing the most right now.

WBH and I had joked about my doing roller derby for a long time. It usually went something like this:

Me: I'm thinking about doing roller derby, sweetie.
WBH: That's odd, I was just considering a career in cage fighting.

Of course, we didn't know much of anything about it at the time. A little more knowledge (especially an awareness of new rules and safety precautions), and I knew it was something I'd place on my bucket list, but it didn't really make it beyond that.

Then came this year. We found out in March that I was pregnant- a total shock. Stinky was conceived with the assistance of some fertility drugs, and we assumed any children to follow would be created in the same way. A month later, I miscarried, and it broke my heart. I am so grateful for WBH's constant support, and to Stinky just for being there, because without them, I'd have taken to my bed, and I don't know how long I would have stayed there. Some complications followed, and the physical pain made the emotional pain that much more difficult to manage.

In the fog of emotions that followed, I remember sitting at dinner one night, probably a little zombie-esqe, and WBH said "You know... I think if you can survive this, you shouldgo ahead and do roller derby." A month later, I tried out. I didn't make it, but I got a taste for the fun. Over the summer and into the fall, I attended open skates, dropped in on practices, and volunteered at the bouts. This fall, I tried out again and made the league.

What really has been rolling around in my head is why I do this. I've learned through this sport that I can get knocked down, tripped up, have my feet come completely out from under me, or any number of ways of falling. Yes, it hurts, a lot sometimes. But I get up, even when it hurts, and I skate again. Learning that I can get up and keep going, even if it hurts like hell, has changed how I handle other pain, too. I think that this is the lesson of 2008. Just get up and keep skating.

Incomparable.

I really like new year's resolutions, but I also tend to lose focus pretty easily. The always-awesome Ali Edwards has a word that she focuses on every year, and encourages her readers to do the same. I love that this gives the year a broader focus, without narrowing it down to a narrow goal that can sometimes be pass/fail.

This year, my word is incomparable. The dictionary gives two definitions for the word. First, "Eminent beyond comparison." Well, that one doesn't seem quite right, but on view the second, I knew I'd found my word: "Not suitable for comparison." I love that.

You see, I find that most of my frustration, sorrow, lack of confidence, what have you, stems from comparing myself (my life, my choices, my ability) to others. I think that when I do this, I'm usually comparing my worst to someone elses' best, which is pointless.

So, this year, I will recognize that my life is not suitable for comparison, because it's mine and no one else's.

"My heart's desire... right in my own back yard"

We got home right about bedtime, but it was evident Stinky wasn't ready for sleep. I plopped him on the couch so I could prep a sippy cup that I hoped would help him unwind and get ready for bed. As I turned on the TV, I heard the familiar strains.

As a little girl, I watched The Wizard of Oz at least twice a week. My mother would bribe me with the movie, and claims I wouldn't blink while I watched it. I had a stuffed dog named Toto, and often claimed to be Dorothy. Being able to play Dorothy last year was a dream come true. The movie's theme and music are near and dear to my heart. I am proud to say that I own my very own pair of ruby slippers, even if they are the most uncomfortable things I own.

I settled in next to Stinky, figuring he might like the music and the dancing for a while, then get tired enough to put to bed. I don't know if it was the hours he spent at rehearsals, or having me sing "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" to him when I put him to bed. Maybe my childhood obsession with the movie is somehow ingrained into my genetic makeup now, but he stayed awake through the entire movie, snuggled up to me, eyes glazing over. We sang the songs, and I'd repeat lines with the movie, just like I would as a little girl. This line, as Dorothy departs from Oz, resonates with me even more as a wife and mom:

"It's that, if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with."

Once Upon a Time...

At the tender age of 15 I held a summer job at an Adult Family Home, caring for five elderly women as an assistant caretaker. Job duties included helping to prepare meals, making instant coffee at the ladies' request, doing laundry, and occasionally helping to bathe them. I'm not entirely sure that part was legal for me to be doing at that age, so we'll focus on the largest part of my job: helping to keep the home tidy.

We had this notebook which had checklists of daily, and weekly chores that we were to consult and sign off on when the tasks were completed. As long as we kept up on these things, the home ran beautifully, dementia-induced fits notwithstanding (one woman, our sweet Gracie, had a really bad day when she read about Elvis' death for the 4th time that week in the Enquirer, and cried loudly all afternoon, upsetting the other residents. Shortly after that, her family was asked to stop bringing her that magazine). My favorite caregiver and I would race through our daily tasks to be done in time to enjoy the 'socializing' part of our job- watching General Hospital with the ladies. Funny how some habits die hard, isn't it?

I've discovered that I need a notebook like this. I'd love to have something ready made - SimpleMom has a great set up for weekly and daily tasks - but I think I need to invest some time in making myself a home management notebook customized for our family, and similar to what we had a the AFH.

How do you manage your job as a mom, wife, housekeeper, cook, laundress.......

Time to hit the gym, or so it seems.

I don't speak Spanish, but my husband does, and uses it quite frequently. He works with native Spanish speakers one period a day at school, so his is quite fluent. Because I know him and his inflections, I can often pick up on what's being said.

So when I was walking in front of the two guys speaking it in the mall yesterday, I had a pretty good clue what was being said. And I wish I hadn't. It was the wrong day to hear "She's a little fat." I asked Chris to say that phrase in Spanish and confirmed it. I'm embarassed to admit that I went home and cried for a while.

Fortunately, I had upped my free membership at the Y where I work to an extended membership, allowing me access to the Y's closer to home for a few bucks a month. This was done in part for me, but also in part to allow Stinky to have somewhere to get his endless energy out - they have Mommy/Tot Aerobics classes! It looks like tomorrow I'll be working out, and thinking twice about the Laffy Taffy in the pumpkin jar.

Tagged!

Was tagged by Sweet Rachel to give you 7 random things about me.

1. I love celebrating. I don't care what it is for, ususally. Holidays? yup. Accomplishments? yup. Fridays? yup. Surviving a really bad day? Oh, yes.

2. I LOVE living in Tacoma. It's such a great place. There are so many things to do- every day that I drive I find somewhere new I want to check out, and best of all, all of it is 15 minutes away.

3. My three biggest vices/indulgences are Diet Dr. Pepper (3 today- so far. I'm thinking a night cap!), Laffy Taffy (bring me a small bag and it will be gone before tomorrow), and General Hospital. You can gage my stress by how much I'm partaking of these. Lately? It's a lot.

4. I might be addicted to my Google reader. Having all the blogs I like to read (and an offering of blogs I haven't seen yet) is soooo tempting and is where I spend waaay too much time.

5. WBH and I met on the first day of High School, and Ithought he was really cute- cuter than the guy who introduced us and later became my first boyfriend. I also overheard him saying he'd never date me. It took us nine and a half years, but we got it right, and he says crow tastes good.

6. I hate the word 'deserve.' It annoys me to no end when people say they deserve something. It's the attitude of entitlement that gets to me. "I feel I've earned it" is so much less grating.

7. I lay awake at night thinking of ways to outsmart stinky, and wondering how I got so lucky.

I'm not going to tag anyone- if you feel so inclined, please let me know you've done this one so I can read it!