I feel like I've written this post before- like I've been here so, so many times that I must have already written these words. Part of the reason I haven't been writing stems from WBH's absence while he visited his sister out of state last week. I kept the boys (and myself) incredibly busy with trips to favorite places and new experiences. I took on the project of reworking our room, which I'll share pictures of later. By the end of it, we were reunited and exhausted.
A larger part of the reason I've been absent from the blog is that I have spent so much time lately not feeling 'enough' of anything. Not smart enough, not good enough, not pretty or skinny enough, not mom enough.... just not enough of anything. It's kind of culminated in a messy mood tonight, leaving me to pour out the inadequacies I'm feeling here, wondering if I will ever feel enough of anything at all.
I'm not so foolish as to think I'm alone in struggling with these feelings, but lately the levels of self-consciousness I find myself in have become toxic and I can't seem to make it through a day without rehashing what I did wrong, what people must think of my, and why I can't just get my stupid self together.
So that's where I've been.
Spring brings with it a little hope- the opportunity for new growth, for renewal, for weeding out the bad to make room for the good to grow. So, I'm working on it.
And that's where I am now.