Sunday, April 8, 2012

enough


I feel like I've written this post before- like I've been here so, so many times that I must have already written these words. Part of the reason I haven't been writing stems from WBH's absence while he visited his sister out of state last week.  I kept the boys (and myself) incredibly busy with trips to favorite places and new experiences.  I took on the project of reworking our room, which I'll share pictures of later.   By the end of it, we were reunited and exhausted.

A larger part of the reason I've been absent from the blog is that I have spent so much time lately not feeling 'enough' of anything.  Not smart enough, not good enough, not pretty or skinny enough, not mom enough.... just not enough of anything.  It's kind of culminated in a messy mood tonight, leaving me to pour out the inadequacies I'm feeling here, wondering if I will ever feel enough of anything at all.

I'm not so foolish as to think I'm alone in struggling with these feelings,  but lately the levels of self-consciousness I find myself in have become toxic and I can't seem to make it through a day without rehashing what I did wrong, what people must think of my, and why I can't just get my stupid self together.

So that's where I've been.

Spring brings with it a little hope- the opportunity for new growth, for renewal, for weeding out the bad to make room for the good to grow. So, I'm working on it.

And that's where I am now.

3 comments:

Krista Hasselfeld said...

Preaching to the choir, and the choir's response is: You are all of those things and more. You are an amazing woman, mother, wife and friend! No falling apart - I look up to you!

balloongal said...

You're right. We all have those moments from time to time. And as you said Spring is a great time (and especially Easter) to remember that there is someone who knows completely what you are going through. And as far as what other people think of you... let people think what they will, they always do anyway. But the majority of people think you are a most amazing, beautiful woman with extraordinary talents, a wonderful family, and you will get over this tough time.
Good for you just getting it out, though. Sometimes we do just need to vent.

Melissa said...

I think you are more than enough in all that areas that really matter. Even just from reading your blog I can tell that you are a wonderful wife and mother and I am impressed with how you are always trying to learn/improve/develop your talents with all of your crafting, baking, and sewing projects. And to echo the previos comment, there is always somebody who knows exactly what you are going through. Hang in there!