Running Out

It's New Year's Eve and I'm not sad to see the year go.  This year has been hard. Sometimes in a challenging, time to grow way, and others in a way that is just hard with nothing to be done about it.  I feel like sending it off with a "Good Riddance!  Don't let the door hit you on the way out!" 

Without a doubt, there has been beauty in this year, but looking back at it, I remember the hard more than that.  2011 and I need some distance between us so that I can remember the good. 

I have a good feeling about 2012.  Even if the Mayan calendar says it's all over for us (it doesn't), I believe we'll be going out strong.  

Happy New Year, friends.  It's going to be happy, I can feel it.  

Happy Birthday, Stinky

Dear Stinky, 

Now you are five.  It's a number that might be small, but has a lot about it that is just so big.  That bigness suits you, though, as if your age was finally starting to match the huge personality you were born with.  Your creativity this year has exploded, and we are constantly gifted with projects and works of art, as though you can't contain everything you have inside of you.  You are generous and loving, and such a good big brother. I marvel at your memory- how sharp and clear it is.  Sometimes we won't understand what you're talking about, but with further discussion, we see that it's just something we've forgotten, 

You are the boy who taught me that the saying is true, to be a mother is to allow your heart to walk around outside of your chest.  This year has proven that more than ever, as with your growing independence my heart walks just a little farther away than it has before.  I love the snuggles, hugs and kisses that you give so willingly, and I love watching you learn so quickly.  We love you so much, Stinky boy, and I am so, so proud of you, 

Love,  Mom. 

Merry and Bright and Imperfect this Christmas

The last two years, I've joked "may your days be harried and bright."  Sometimes Christmas can feel that way.  In the song I shared last week, the lyrics Why so scared that you'll mess it up? When perfection keeps you haunted, all we need is your best, my love.  That's all anyone ever wanted jumped out at me.  We've made some changes, some tough decisions and taken a step back from some things, and I was very worried about other's opinions, very scared I would mess it up.  So I've let some things go, and it has felt almost like I was letting out the breath I'd been holding just to prove that I could.  

There have been things this Christmas that have gone undone.  Advent Calendars, Christmas baking, card delivering, some books to read and some movies to watch have all been absent.  There have been no handmade gifts this year, and I'm surprised at how okay with it I am.   I'm breathing it away, reminding myself that my children won't remember not having them- they would remember a mom who lost her mind because we didn't.   I know that years from now, gifts will be sitting in the pile to take to Goodwill, and my boys aren't old enough to miss the things we've decided to skip.  

I hope they'll remember family time together, brother shopping at the dollar store, making s'moreos on the stove, and paper snowflakes hanging from the ceiling.  There are enough things to worry about.  I have decided that for me, a perfect Christmas won't be one of them.  

And that, in a way, makes it perfect. 

  

Merry Christmas from the Telford Home.  

May your days be Merry and Bright, and imperfect, too.  Give yourself that gift this Christmastime. 

Caption This: Holiday Edition

 Caption this:  Rotten and Stinky at the Festival of the Nativity this year.  

WBH's Suggestion:  

"Do you think anyone will notice that we switched the hebrew kid for a white one?"

Your turn! 

Sunday Inspiration

Tunes on Tuesday: Love is Christmas

As part of my epic birthday weekend,  I won one of Passionista's amazing mixes.  Christmas music is my favorite, but not WBH's.   This song is probably my favorite on the whole CD.  It's so beautiful, and really speaks to how I feel this year.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

I Made it Monday: Socks, Snowman, Swag Bucks and Cinema (sort of?)

After my first trial pair, and the the pair for my mom, I got some brightly colored yarn and worked up a nice pair for myself.  They kept me busy backstage while the play was going.  I love their brightness, their mismatch-iness, their warmth.  I like that I can knit socks now.  It makes me feel pretty awesome.  Now ends of the other extremities, I have a pair of mittens almost done for my little sister.  

Stinky helped me whip up this guy, this week, too.  I kind of think he's adorable, AND I cleaned off the front of my fridge.   Plus, it's all felt, so it's going into a baggie and will be ready for next year.

This week is bringing about some changes for us.  I don't know how much I want to write about it, but it's not been an easy time.  We'll get through it.  It'll be good.  I'm working on my swagbucks a lot to keep under budget for Christmas gifts.    We enjoyed movie nights with friends and themed food:

A Christmas Story: "Who's Mommy's Little" piggies in blankets and "OooooHHH  Fudge"

Elf:  A snowflake cutting party, with our take the four elf food groups (candy, candy corn, candy canes and syrup).  We did waffles w/syrup, candy, and candy canes, but left out the candy corn and brought in lots of bacon.

Sunday Inspiration

Not such a terrible job. Most Days.

I love being a mom, it is the best job I've ever had.  It's also the worst job I've ever had.  As I write this, I've kicked both boys upstairs for a nap and a rest, just to have an hour's worth of peace, and a chance to clean up after Hurricane Telford. That's right, I want to be alone so I can clean.  So this is what 30 is like.  

The two of them have been cycling through their Jekyll and Hyde side so rapidly that I'm imagining the story of the boy and the tigers, in which the tigers run around a tree so fast that they dissolve into a pool of melted butter.  I'm afraid my little ones are going to melt away soon. Rotten is playing cute games, chasing us with a camera, saying 'Cheeeeeeeees!" then shrieking at the perfect pitch for me to feel my ear drums try to off themselves. Rinse and repeat.  Stinky is doing things that he knows get him in trouble, then pointing them out, as to challenge me and see if I will stay consistent.  Then he turns an empty diaper box into a present for Santa- "A hay holder for his reindeer.  He must need lots of them."   His giving nature isn't always seen by others, and that breaks my heart. 

Then today, listening to Christmas music I heard they lyrics "Mom is watching children growing, another Christmas going by" and became really choked up.  Christmas has snuck up on me this year- how is it only two and a half weeks away?  It makes me wonder, will the day that they start junior high, the day they first ask a girl out, the day they leave home feel like that?  Am I letting the Hyde overshadow the Jekyll and wishing the crazy away too fast? 

This job is so, so hard.  Being project manager of two tiny, but loud lives is insane.  Who would ask for that?  Still, this is the crazy I asked for.  The benefits aren't just in the future.  They're in the times I see Stinky overcome challenges, and the way that Rotten runs to kiss me.  They're in the sweaty sleeping kid snuggled up against me, in learning read and taking first steps.

 And by the way? My co-worker really is super hot. 

Tunes on Tuesday: The Friendly Beasts

I love this song.  I love the idea of everyone's gifts being so unique to them, even the beasts.  I love this arrangement, how it all builds.  I hope you love it, too!

I Made it Monday: Free Christmas Printable

Trying to think of low-cost gifts for the holidays, I was inspired by some Christmas song subway art- I wanted to do some word art with lyrics solely from hymns.  Then I wanted them to tell the story, not just be jumbled.  I think I managed to get there.   It's the first time I've done anything like it, and I'm pretty proud.  It's 8x10 and created in Picnik.  I think you can print them at Office max on cardstock for 60 cents.  Add a dollar store frame, and you've got a gift for less than two dollars. 

   Print and share away! 

Sunday Inspiration

...and today is mine.  

One of those weeks.

It's been one of those weeks.  Stinky is having a hard time.  I am having a hard time.  Rotten is having a hard time.  Poor WBH is the eye of the hurricane- which is a hard time, for him, too.  I've put my efforts into controlling the chaos as much as I can.

My birthday is this weekend.  I'm almost 30.  I didn't complete my list.  I don't think I even did half of those things.  Next year's will be a little more realistic, I think.   I'm a little bummed, but WBH and I have a good weekend planned.

Back with Sunday Inspiration and more next week.