I love being a mom, it is the best job I've ever had. It's also the worst job I've ever had. As I write this, I've kicked both boys upstairs for a nap and a rest, just to have an hour's worth of peace, and a chance to clean up after Hurricane Telford. That's right, I want to be alone so I can clean. So this is what 30 is like.
The two of them have been cycling through their Jekyll and Hyde side so rapidly that I'm imagining the story of the boy and the tigers, in which the tigers run around a tree so fast that they dissolve into a pool of melted butter. I'm afraid my little ones are going to melt away soon. Rotten is playing cute games, chasing us with a camera, saying 'Cheeeeeeeees!" then shrieking at the perfect pitch for me to feel my ear drums try to off themselves. Rinse and repeat. Stinky is doing things that he knows get him in trouble, then pointing them out, as to challenge me and see if I will stay consistent. Then he turns an empty diaper box into a present for Santa- "A hay holder for his reindeer. He must need lots of them." His giving nature isn't always seen by others, and that breaks my heart.
Then today, listening to Christmas music I heard they lyrics "Mom is watching children growing, another Christmas going by" and became really choked up. Christmas has snuck up on me this year- how is it only two and a half weeks away? It makes me wonder, will the day that they start junior high, the day they first ask a girl out, the day they leave home feel like that? Am I letting the Hyde overshadow the Jekyll and wishing the crazy away too fast?
This job is so, so hard. Being project manager of two tiny, but loud lives is insane. Who would ask for that? Still, this is the crazy I asked for. The benefits aren't just in the future. They're in the times I see Stinky overcome challenges, and the way that Rotten runs to kiss me. They're in the sweaty sleeping kid snuggled up against me, in learning read and taking first steps.
And by the way? My co-worker really is super hot.