Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Growth: Somedays, it is just hard.

The last week has been a struggle for me. Last week felt like a series of intentional and unintentional slights, hurt feelings, and plain old bad luck. This week, our family has been sharing a cold- it is lingering longest on me. I don't think I'm getting much right. When you add in a medication* that is making me especially emotional this week has been quite the weep-fest.
Our church's semiannual conference was this weekend. I needed it very much. I needed words of wisdom and love. What I got was just that, but also a bit of conviction. Did you ever have that moment when a teacher or parent tells you "I just expected more from you" and you feel simultaneously loved and horrible? That's how I felt. I know I can do better. I need to do better. I needed the fire lit underneath me that conference gave me.
Sometimes growth is hard. Sometimes the best thing that can be done for a plant is for it to be cut down. That doesn't make it feel better right away, but sometimes you know what
*On that: We've decided to try for another baby, which for us is an intimate process involving WBH, my doctor, nurses, pharmacists lab techs, and me. Honestly, we're blessed in a lot of ways here. As far as fertility treatments go, what I require is the least invasive of all. Also, when the time comes for the birds and the bees talk, we think we can get by for several years with "When we decided to have a baby, the doctor gave Mommy pills. The end." When I mentioned this to my mother-in-law, she said if we do that, we'd better be careful when we say Baby Tylenol.


Tina and Dan said...

YAY!!! I'm so excited you guys are trying to have a second! I'm sorry its been a rough week too. Your comments about needing help getting pregnant made me think of a friend from the mission's blog where she said, "It certainly goes without saying that getting pregnant is a two person job. One man and one woman... usually. To date, I can count at least fifteen medical staff who have been involved in our efforts to get pregnant (not including medical office receptionists). Still no success. Why does that bother me? Starting a family is a very private and personal affair... Why do we need to enlist the help of a dozen plus people?" Then she goes on to talk about the comfort she takes in knowing God has a plan for her and her future family. God has a plan for you guys and we'll be praying for you!

Cindy Brinkerhoff said...

Yay, I am glad ot hear that you will be adding to your alrady very cool family! I also have been battelign this virus I'm on week 2.5.... BUMMER! Sorry about the bad week, take comfort in knowing that you are loved and supported.

Kevin or Anda said...

What a big decision! From the sound of it, what a hard and complicated process, but you know what, I have a feeling that the harder it is to get pregnant the more the parents realize and remember what a blessing and a miracle each baby is. I sure can tell you love Stinky and show him your love daily. I bet there are hordes of angels standing in line to be your next offspring! :) Good luck!

Debra Reynolds said...

You probably dont know this but we had to have drs., nurses, and labs involved with our conception of Kaitlynn and yes it is not so much fun having so many involved but arent we blessed to have their help. Love ya Auntie DEB

Becky Home-ecky said...

Hooray! Hooray!

Who knew it would be so hard to pull our children's spirits down from Heaven to join our families?