The last week has been a struggle for me. Last week felt like a series of intentional and unintentional slights, hurt feelings, and plain old bad luck. This week, our family has been sharing a cold- it is lingering longest on me. I don't think I'm getting much right. When you add in a medication* that is making me especially emotional this week has been quite the weep-fest.
Our church's semiannual conference was this weekend. I needed it very much. I needed words of wisdom and love. What I got was just that, but also a bit of conviction. Did you ever have that moment when a teacher or parent tells you "I just expected more from you" and you feel simultaneously loved and horrible? That's how I felt. I know I can do better. I need to do better. I needed the fire lit underneath me that conference gave me.
Sometimes growth is hard. Sometimes the best thing that can be done for a plant is for it to be cut down. That doesn't make it feel better right away, but sometimes you know what
*On that: We've decided to try for another baby, which for us is an intimate process involving WBH, my doctor, nurses, pharmacists lab techs, and me. Honestly, we're blessed in a lot of ways here. As far as fertility treatments go, what I require is the least invasive of all. Also, when the time comes for the birds and the bees talk, we think we can get by for several years with "When we decided to have a baby, the doctor gave Mommy pills. The end." When I mentioned this to my mother-in-law, she said if we do that, we'd better be careful when we say Baby Tylenol.